so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
