i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
