Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
