Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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