Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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