I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
