So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
