connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
