Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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