The maid of honor just puked.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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