I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
