umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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