using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
