THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
