WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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