I can text with my tongue
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
