I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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