I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
