it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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