I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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