It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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