we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
