he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
