I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize