i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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