I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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