I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
