Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
