What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
