Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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