In the future we'll all be gay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
