once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
