Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
