the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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