THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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