her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
