I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have aggressive nipples.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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