the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
