i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
