Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
