How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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