I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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