did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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