Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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