She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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