Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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