I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
