i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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