I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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