I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
