this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
