he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
