Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize