I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
