i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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