so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
