If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
