She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i drank out of a bidet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
