Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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