Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
