"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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