When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sarcasm needs its own font
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
