Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
