I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
