i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
