Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
