i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
