8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
