It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
