Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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