i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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