So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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