dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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