I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize