when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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