Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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