did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why didn't you poke me back
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was like eating out sand paper
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
