I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
