why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
