ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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