Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
