I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The power of my boobs compel you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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