Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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