she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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