Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
