My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
