she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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